There are so many lists out here on the blogosphere and every week I’m overwhelmed with goals like; “my 50 amazing monthly blog goals” or “21 things I want to do before I’m 21″et cetera, et cetera. I think these lists are fabulous but a little scary and for some reason I find it easier to focus on the things I don’t want to do (call me a pessimist) so when I read Sonia’s (from Life Love and Hiccups) post about her list of 8 things she won’t be doing before she dies, a reverse bucket list if you will, I completely identified with her!
Let’s face it dollface, I’m not highly adventurous am I? Sure, sure I like to travel and seek out funsies and make fabulous memories BUT more often than not they’re safe activities that don’t require signing a waiver in case of death. I like to think that I’d never say never, because you never know what happens in this crazy life, but I’m pretty safe to say I won’t be doing these particular things in the near future…
- I SHALL NOT BE SCALING THE HIGHEST OF HEIGHTS! I’ve tried dollface, I really have but I just DO NOT like heights and I won’t be doing anything rash like climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge or jumping out of a plane EVER! The sheer terror that comes over me and the desire to die IMMEDIATELY doesn’t really appeal to me funnily enough. Don’t let the photo below fool you! There I am standing on top of the Empire State Building and I was dying for the photo to be taken so I could run back to the safety of the indoors. I honestly could have vomited and pooped myself at the same time – YUCK!
- AND THIS INCLUDES YOUR STUPID RIDES time and time again I’ve jumped on those rides at the show or theme parks thinking that this may be the time when I’ll enjoy them but NO it’s not, and I never do. You can take your Big Dippers and Pirate Ships and shove them up your arse. I would much rather have a seat and drink myself into oblivion than jump on a ride again….except the Dodgem Cars, they are perfectly acceptable!
- THERE’S NOT A CHANCE I’LL BE GOING DEEP SEA DIVING ANY TIME SOON Open. Water. These two words scare the crap out of me and I can tell you right now I will not be taking a cruise with you or do something ridiculously stupid like go scuba diving. The actual idea of being stuck out at sea and drowning is making hyperventilate a little now as I type this so you can imagine what I’d be like on a boat. No. Thanks!
- I WANT MY FIREWORKS AND I WON’T BE SETTLING FOR SECOND BEST Ugh, why do married or partnered up people always suggest that single gals just find someone and settle down? Basically they’re asking me to settle because, god forbid, I might end up alone and childless OMG! THE HORROR!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! No, I will not accept that. I will not be settling for any old bloke that comes along, and by that I don’t mean “old” because y’all know I love me a silver fox! I want my fairy tale, I want my fireworks. That is all!
- THERE’S NO CHANCE IN HELL I’LL BE SENDING YOU A NUDE SELFIE Just no!
- YOU AND YOUR PYRAMID SCHEMES CAN TAKE A HIKE! Ever had that “friend” that suggests you should join in their fabulous money making venture *ahem, ARBONNE, ahem*? If it really were making you a ton of money why do you still have a full time job? I’m sorry, but I shall not be joining you in roping 5 friends who tell 5 friends who tell…..I’m way too lazy for that shit!
- JUST BECAUSE I LOVE FOOD DOES NOT MEAN I’LL BE EATING CHICKEN FEET this also goes for intestines, livers, brains and the like. If you want me to eat them they better be deep fried and doused in hot sauce because YUCK!
- I WILL NEVER STICK A FILTHY CANCER STICK IN MY MOUTH AGAIN Honestly, it’s 2016, who the fuck is still smoking and thinking it’s a great idea?
What about you dollface? Do you have anything on your reverse bucket list??
Categories: People & Places